Surrogate and intended parent’s bonding and separation

If a child is born as a surrogate, there must be an emotional transfer from the surrogate family to the intended parents.

This emotional shift will cause the child to begin to connect with his parents and vice versa.

Prepare for an emotional transition

While intentional parents may not have the same experience with prenatal connections with their new children, there are many things you can do to prepare for a child’s emotional transition and ensure that you are ready to develop healthy relationships.

Emotional transport to the hospital is the culmination of an alternative journey, which is an emotional time for all involved.

The key to a successful emotional transition is to focus on the child’s needs.

Throughout the process, the child should be emphasized instead of the intended parents, who should be the parents, leading to better intimacy and the union process.

Here are some tips for intentional parents to form a good relationship with their new babies before they are born.

Grief over his losses

Many intentional parents choose surrogacy after years of infertility.

It is good for intentional parents to go through a process of mourning before their child is born.

Deliberate parents have already mourned a great deal of grief over the loss of not being able to have a child.

They have many setbacks, so they want surrogacy to work for them, and a successful treatment outcome can easily frustrate them.

Dealing with unresolved grief in advance will allow intended parents to focus on the child’s needs as well as the excitement of the intended parents to become parents and communicate with the unborn child.

Involved in pregnancy

Intended parents are advised to be as involved as possible throughout their pregnancies.

Intended parents can attend appointments with a doctor, decorate a children’s room and have a baby.

The more involved in prenatal baby care, the better prepared they are for the arrival of the baby.

When the intended parents play an active role in preparing for a new baby, it will help them develop a sense of connection, friendship, and expectation for the newborn.

Talk to your children

It is known that a child has a good sense of smell and hearing about looking at nature.

The unborn child is already connected to the parent who carries it, through listening, sniffing, and touching.

The more intentionally parents can communicate with the child – in person or through pre-recorded tapes – the better their child is familiar with them.

Intended parents can pick up books for speaking or reading and send replacement tapes.

Create a transition point

The substitute can also take further steps to help the child adapt to the new environment.

He can play some favorite music from the intended parents, who know the child when they take him home.

The surrogate sleeps with a teddy bear that returns home with the baby to retain its familiar scent as it enters life in the parents’ intended home.

Emotional transport to the hospital

The emotional transition is the culmination of everyone’s hard work during the surrogate process.

It is one of the most exciting, grateful, and emotional aspects of the whole surrogate.

This is also a situation where intentional parents need to focus most on the needs of their new children.

Confirm the child’s feelings

Once a baby is born, he needs to confirm his sense of smell, touch, and hearing — and that is what the parents get only by making contact with the surrogate mother.

The best-case scenario is that once a baby is born, it can be placed on its breast instead of touching, smelling, and confirming the scents it knows.

If the surrogate is not ready to emotionally hug the child, he may touch his hands and feet.

Physical handover of the child to the designated parents

The surrogate then basically hands over the child to the intended parents – when everyone works for him.

This is important not only for the child but for everyone involved.

It is good for the substitute to see the family as complete because that is the whole purpose of the substitution process.

Touch binding

The intended parents should try to make as much skin-to-skin contact as possible after the child has been physically handed over.

This is one of the best ways to improve connectivity.

Intended mothers may even consider breastfeeding their surrogate unborn child as a way to connect intimately and physically.

After an emotional teansition

The emotional move to the hospital is only the beginning of the connection-building process.

Many intentional parents have a long way to go as they get used to the day-to-day challenges of parenthood and begin to integrate their children.

Stay in touch with the surrogate
The prospective parents are trying to see the surrogate family again within a few weeks of the baby’s birth.

This reaffirms to the child that he has not lost anyone and assures everyone that the replacement process is successful.


Binding does not happen immediately to everyone, not even mothers who have given birth to their children.

Affirmation of the child can take a long time before the child connects with the designated parents.

It is important to give it time and not worry.

There are periods of crying, like all children.

The intended parent should be aware that this is not related to surrogacy or transfer if the child is overwhelmed or angry.

Final thoughts

While intentional parents may have less than nine months to spend time with their unborn child, the time, preparation, and successful emotional transformation, intimacy, and bonding take place naturally.

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